Edgar: (singing)
PERHAPS NOT THE MOST... CONVINCING A DISGUISE
BUT I MUST SAY, THE RULING CLASS, HAS THE WOOL OVER YOUR EYES
THEY MAKE IT OUT TO BE SOME SORT OF NOBLE PEDIGREE
BUT HERE’S THE THING, ANYONE CAN BE KING.
HAD A LITTLE BRUSH WITH ROYALTY THAT DIDN’T TURN OUT GOOD.
BUT SPEND A LITTLE TIME IN THE COURT,
THERE’S ONE THING THAT’S UNDERSTOOD
ANYONE THAT CAN SIT ON THEIR LAZY ASSESS
IS GOOD ENOUGH TO RULE THAT MASSES,
THAT’S THE THING, ANYONE CAN BE KING.

Roscoe: “That’s what the king looks like?

Edgar: “It’ll have to do for now, come on!”

Jocasta: “Didn’t you just say Pugface is really good with like, costumes and disguises? Maybe she should try and do it?”

Pugface:” I--”

Roscoe: “We gotta get something better than this, we’re gonna be dead!”

Edgar: “Alright do your worst, Pugface.”

Pugface: (singing)
A LITTLE BIT OF ROUGE CAN REALLY GO A LONG WAY.
BRIGHTEN UP YOUR EYES, TURN THAT SMILE FROM A FROWN.
A LITTLE FOUNDATION AND WHEN YOU ENTER THIS PLAY,
PUFF OUT YOUR CHEST, STICK UP YOUR CHIN,
‘CAUSE LIGHT IS THE HEAD THAT WEARS THIS CROOOWN.

Edgar:
WALK AROUND AND SPEAK IN PLATITUDES
WITH A SELF-IMPORTANT ATTITUDE
YES, THAT’S THE THING!
Both:
ANYONE CAN BE KING.

Gamemaker: Pugface, give it a shot, add proficiency to whatever you roll.

Pugface: (with saddened shock) Oh fuck. Sorry, it’s a five. (Jake laughs)

Gamemaker: Okay, she does her best, because Edgars shoddy workmanship was so rough to begin with, it’s kinda like polishing a turd right now.

Pugface: “I’m just, I’m really nervous right now. I’m really sorry. I’m embarrassed”

Roscoe: “It’s gonna be up to him to really sell this one, ya know what I mean?”

Edgar: “Here we go, showtime!”

All: (singing)
WE DON’T NEED FANCY JEWELS AND RINGS,
TO SHOW THE WORLD THAT WE GOT THAT SWING.
SO HEAR US SING:
ANYONE CAN BE KING!

Edgar:
YOU KNOW THERE’S REALLY NOTHING TO IT.

Pugface:
Oh shit, guys, I think I blew it.

Edgar:
WILL THIS WORK? WHO KNOWS, LET'S DO IT!

All:
WE KNOW ONE THING...
ANYONE CAN BE KING!

(song ends)