Private Volkar:
Hey, Bear Woman? You Edennians and your rock music. So brutish and selfish. You people are so consumed with self that you worship it as a GOD!...”

Private Volkar: (singing)
“DO YOU HEAR THE SWEET TONES OF THESE NOTES STRUNG TOGETHER?
NO VULGAR SONG OF EDENNIA, YOU CAN BE SURE.
YOUR FALSE GOD OF SELF AND THE ROCK AND ROLL YOUR WORSHIP
SHOWS YOU A NATION OF BRUTES, BASTARDS, AND BORES.

DO YOU HEAR ALL THESE MELODIES HANGING ON THE BREEZE?
HEAR OUR VOICES MELDING IN TUNE?
THIS IS THE SOUND OF THE ELVEWOOD TREES,
DAPPLED IN THE BRIGHT LIGHT OF THE MOON.
FOLK MUSIC COULD MAKE THE GODS THEMSELVES SWOON.

THIS IS THE MUSIC OF QAR’QATARA.
ANCIENT AS THE SETTING SUN.
LIKE OUR CULTURE RESOLUTE,
BUT TO WATCH YOU TRY IS CUTE. (HA!)
DON’T YOU KNOW ROCK N’ ROLL IS ALREADY DONE?”

Jocasta:
“Oh no!
(singing)
OH, PRETTY ELFY BABY, DO YOU THINK YOU GOT ALL THE SOLUTIONS?
THEN WHY’S YOUR COUNTRY LIT UP BY A ROCK N’ ROLL REVOLUTION?
ROCK ENCOMPASSES EVERY FEELIN’
THESE ELEC-TRIC NOTES ARE HEALIN’
AND WHEN I’M DONE ROCKIN’ YOU
YOU LITTLE BOYS ARE GONNA BE SQUEALIN’.”

Pugface:
“Let me at ‘em!
(singing)
I GOT ONE QUESTION FOR YA, WON’T YA TELL ME NOW HOW DOES DISGRACE TASTE?
IF YOU’RE NOT CAREFUL BOY, YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME GET OUT MY BASS FACE.
I HEAR YA TALKIN’ SMACK ON MY HOME,
YOU GONE AND PISSED OFF THIS GNOME.
OH BOY, YOU BETTER HEAR ME JUST ONE TIME BEFORE I GO LAY WASTE.”

Pugface & Jocasta:
“THIS IS THE MUSIC OF EDENNIA
THE VERY THING YOUR WEARY SOULS NEED.”

Jocasta:
“BRINGING FREEDOM AND FUN,”

Pugface:
“BUT OUR WORK HAS JUST BEGUN.”

Pugface and Jocasta:
“COME ON LET YOUR HAIR DOWN AND ROCK WITH ME…”

Volkar:
“Never! Let’s settle this the old-fashioned way...Yodel-Off!”

[Volkar Yodels]

[Jocasta Yodels]

[Volkar Yodels]

[Jocasta & Pugface Yodel]

[All Three Yodel]

Volkar:
“Oh, I concede! You win!”

Pugface & Jocasta:
“THIS IS THE MUSIC OF EDENNIA,

Private Volkar:
“I DON’T CARE WHERE IT’S FROM…”

Pugface & Jocasta:
COME TO TAKE THE ELVES BY STORM!”

Private Volkar:
“I KNOW WE WILL NEVER SUCCUMB!”

Pugface:
“WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?”

Jocasta:
“Y’ALL REALLY NEED TO CHILL.”

Pugface & Jocasta:
“JUST TAKE A DRAG OF THIS
AND HAVE SOME FUN!”

Private Volkar:
“YOU THINK YOU CAME TAME ME
WITH YOUR DRUGS AND GOOD CHEER,
BUT YOU SHALL NOW HEAR A MELODY THAT YOU CAN NEVER UNHEAR!”

(the epic music slows to a stop)

Private Volkar:
“Private Kunstler, folk these punks up!”

Private Kunstler: (singing, a new melody, a cappella)
THE WORLD WAS ONCE A HAVEN SAFE
OF FEAR AND GREED AND STRIFE
THAT IS UNTIL THE HUMANS CAME
AND BOWED TO HATE AND VICE
WHEN ALL SEEMED LOST
THE HUMANS FOUND
THEY’D PUSHED TRUST FAR AWAY
THE DRAGONS CAME
THE MEN WERE SLAIN
AND PEACE THEN CAME TO STAY